So if you haven't heard, the UFC is moving UFC 232 from Vegas to Los Angeles on a weeks notice because Jon Jones popped for PEDs again. The UFC and USADA and the California State Athletic Commission all seem to agree that this test result is merely residual steroids from the "pinch of salt in an Olympic swimming pool" amount of steroids that was previously in his system 18 months ago. Same drug and everything - turinabol. Now a lot of people have a lot of opinions on this. Joe Rogan thinks it's all legit with Jon Jones, which is what he thought the first time as well. Dana White and Jeff Novitzy aka the Golden Snitch, the guy who runs the UFC's anti-doping program, both also seem to agree with that as well. Andy Foster, the head of the CSAC, is yet another legitimate, reliable party who says this is clearly just leftover from a year and a half ago. All that said, this all stinks like a steaming pile of horseshit. Allow me to explain... Jon Jones has already gotten caught with this exact same substance in his body 18 months ago. The same substance that was 100% confirmed to be in his body, and for which he could never find a tainted supplement that explained its presence. The same one that got him suspended. A suspension he got overturned by offering to snitch for USADA. So if he gets popped for steroids again, while snitching for USADA, what happens? Does he get suspended? Does the deal go away? It kind of seems like a conflict of interest to be the organization in charge of testing one of their own assets. Jon Jones has repeatedly said he isn't providing any information on "fighters", but USADA has very publicly made it known that he is absolutely without a doubt providing them with information on someone. If they are trying to blow the roof off a major scandal in a different, much bigger sport and Jon Jones is providing valuable information that helps move them towards achieving that goal, wouldn't it be in their best interest to do everything that needed to be done to keep that deal in place? On top of that, the numbers just don't really add up. Don't worry, I read a bunch of articles and reddit posts so I've got this whole thing all figured out. Turinabol is supposedly known for getting out of the athlete's system quickly. Like out of your system in a couple of days or weeks quickly depending on the amount, and possibly months in rare cases. But it's been a year and a half and Jones passed like seven drug tests with zero sign of Turinabol until now. Not only that, but the first time he got caught there was approximately 20-80 picograms per millileter. Don't worry about what a picogram is, I have no idea either, it isn't important. What is important is that this time around Jones got caught with 60 picograms per liter in his system. So in a year and a half, the maximum amount of turinabol that was in Jonny Bones' system wasn't even cut in half. The fuck outta here with that nonsense. This whole situation STINKS and it stinks like shit. I'm not hating on Jon Jones either, he's an absolute monster and hands down one of the most entertaining fighters in the world. I will 100% be watching the fight this weekend and I'm expecting him to show out. I just think entire ordeal seems super sketchy and more than likely Jon Jones just did Jon Jones shit again because he doesn't really give a fuck, and he figures USADA won't make an example of their star witness. Or I could be totally wrong. Gotta love a good conspiracy though. If you're a fight fan and haven't seen the first matchup, do yourself a favor...
A lot of people are going to read this and think that I am nothing more than a Melo hater and that's fine. Those people are totally right. I do hate on Melo. But it wasn't always like that. There once existed a time in my life where I thought Carmelo Anthony was the absolute truth, someone who could actually rival the hype of Lebron James - a staple of my top 5 most hated athletes list. He dominated the NCAA during his lone year at Syracuse, averaging 20 and 10 for the eventual National Champions. Number three overall pick, had an excellent rookie year, he was primed for greatness. So how did we get to this point? How did we get to a point where Carmelo Anthony fell so far that literally no NBA team wants him? How did a 10 time all star with no major injuries lose so much value in such a short period of time? How did this once great man become so desperate for affection that he began wearing hoodies to the beach because he recognized that the only Melo people like and care about is Hoodie Melo?
It's simple really. You see, Carmelo Anthony never really learned how to be good at the game of basketball. He does one thing well and one thing only - score, and he needs 20+ shots to do it. He's an absolute liability on the defensive end, he clogs up an offense by holding the ball, and his "versatility" has been drastically overstated. Carmelo is not a PF or a stretch 4, nor has he ever been one. He can score on small forwards and power forwards, yes, but he can't defend either. The years where he tried to play more of a power forward role with the Knicks are the years where his reputation began to take the biggest hit. Put simply, he is an extremely limited basketball player. When he left Denver, their offense got more efficient. They lost their top scorer and their offense got BETTER. Ok, New York still sucks but they don't have Kristaps and Jim Dolan is still the owner so it's tough to say they would be better off with Carmelo so I won't shit on him for that one. Then came Oklahoma City, who is a completely different team now without having to find minutes for him and their defense, specifically, has been spectacular. Though I'm sure ditching Melo and their defense vastly improving are totally unrelated. After OKC he was shipped off to Houston and played all of 10 games before they decided he it wasn't going to work out. Think about that for a second...in an offense where you are encouraged to shoot as much as possible, Carmelo Anthony wasn't a good fit. Stunning. But fear not, for I am here to be Melo's guiding light - his guardian angel, the wind beneath his wings. This isn't easy for me because as I explained earlier I sort of hate him. Not in a personal sense, I'm sure he's a perfectly alright guy, but as a basketball fan. I think he plays gross basketball, and I don't think the new pace and space revolution with a lot more fluid ball movement has "left him behind." I think it has exposed him and his overall lack of ability. But that doesn't mean he has to stop playing professional basketball. Melo just needs to suck up his pride and take his talents to South Beijing. Go full Marbury. I know it sounds crazy but hear me out: 1. Style of Play Full disclosure, I don't watch a ton of Chinese basketball games and that's on me. With that said, I'm fairly certain the CBA isn't as advanced as the NBA. Just a hunch, but with guys like Pierre Jackson (Baylor) and Jimmer Fredette (legend) dropping 40 points per game on 25+ shots, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Carmelo's bread and butter would fit right in. He's not hurt and he's never relied on explosiveness. He just needs to jog his doughy body up and down the court and shoot without conscience for four quarters. That style is legitimately tailor made for him. 2. Legacy As discussed earlier, Melo is a liability in the modern NBA. Teams don't want him because he can't help them. Yes, Lebron said he would want Melo in LA but that's because they are banana boat BFFs for life and he realizes this whole situation is super humiliating for his buddy so he's trying to help out. He doesn't actually believe Melo can help the Lakers win. Bron Bron is many things, naive is not one of them. Even if he does get signed he's getting bench minutes, and we're not talking sixth man 25-30 minutes a game. No, we're talking, "We'll fit you in when we can" minutes. Bullshit minutes. That's no bueno for someone with an ego the size of Mr. Anthony. In China, you could probably sit or play as you please. The Wonton Don basically walks in and owns the place as an American spectator. Can you imagine the kind of influence American players have? The possibilities are endless, Melo could be a god damned king over there! Plus, with the lesser talent and a much less grueling schedule it's not unreasonable to think he could play another legit 5-6 years or so, making tons of money off advertising and sweet sweet Chinese merch. The Chinese market is massive, the money is there, and their love of basketball is growing at an insane rate. Free cheese, baby. 3. Loneliness So obviously being away from friends and family is tough. To be honest, I thought Melo was still on the outs with LaLa because he banged that stripper and allegedly had a kid with her, but it looks like he's managed to weasel his way back into her good graces. I won't lie, that complicates things. Before it would just have been, well your wife doesn't want you around anyways and your friends are still busy during the NBA season, what with them still playing and all. There wouldn't have been any real point to sticking around. I guess maybe being away from his kids would be a bummer. I don't know, I don't have kids, they seem awful. Either way, it's irrelevant. Because Dwyane Wade is gonna save the day. He's already expressed an interest in going to China to build his brand abroad. This way, Carmelo can pretend like it was his idea. Then when D-Wade comes over, Melo can create his own Chinses superteam just like he wanted to do with those guys all these years. So that's it. I just saved Melo's career and reputation. I look forward to watching him become a Chinese Basketball Association legend. And when - not if - when that day does inevitably come, I will be here smiling proudly, for that will be the day that I no longer hate Carmelo Anthony.
