Wednesday, February 20, 2019

France Just Made Lightsaber Dueling a Sport Because They're All Getting Fat as Fuck


Image result for lightsaber dueling


Source - The force is getting stronger in France, where the French Fencing Federation has officially recognized lightsaber dueling as a competitive sport. According to The Associated Press, the federation has given the iconic "Star Wars" weapon the same status as the traditional blades — the foil, épée and saber — and competitors can now begin to train like Luke Skywalker.

The LED-lit, rigid polycarbonate lightsaber replicas used in competition won't be able to cut an opponent in half, but they do look, feel and sound pretty similar to George Lucas' version. The federation is now providing lightsabers to fencing clubs and training lightsaber instructors in the ways of the Jedi.

Federation secretary general Serge Aubailly told the AP he hopes the popularity of Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader will draw more young people to fencing. "Cape and sword movies have always had a big impact on our federation and its growth," Aubailly said. "Lightsaber films have the same impact. Young people want to give it a try."

The Dark Side that the federation is fighting is the childhood obesity epidemic and the popularity of more sedentary video games. "With young people today, it's a real public health issue. They don't do any sport and only exercise with their thumbs," Aubailly told the AP. "It's becoming difficult to [persuade them to] do a sport that has no connection with getting out of the sofa and playing with one's thumbs. That is why we are trying to create a bond between our discipline and modern technologies, so participating in a sport feels natural."


Let's forget about all the Star Wars nerds for a second.  This is obviously a huge win for them, amazing work.  The only reason I care about this story at all is because France admitted that they're resorting to nonsense such as creating lightsaber sports from fantasy movies about outer space and aliens in order to combat obesity.

All those years being pomp and smug as fuck, stickin' your skinny little noses up at us big fat Americans.  Well, well well.  How the tables have turned.  Who's the big old fat sack of shit now, France?  Doesn't feel so good when someone takes a steaming dump all over your lifestyle, does it?  And I've got even worse news for you.  Instead of this working, it's going to end up failing miserably because nerds flat out do not want to exercise, not even to fuck around with a lightsaber for an afternoon.  Eventually you'll just cave like we did and make video games official sports.  Next thing you know, you'll be sending your kids to college on Call of Duty scholarships.  

The world is fat and it's only getting fatter France, so I suggest you sit back, relax, and let it happen.  This is one fight you will not win.



Well this and World War II were it not for our intervention.  God Bless America.  


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Trevor Lawrence is Out Here Treating the Big Man on Campus Role Like a 1980s Movie Villain



I understand the whole argument in defense of Trevor Lawrence and it makes a ton of sense.  There are guys you can play a little rough with and guys you can't...the superstar freshman QB who just won you a national championship and might win you two more is on that list of guys you can't.  I get that.  

With that being said, that argument isn't for Trevor Lawrence to make, and even if it is there are better ways to go about it.  The fact of the matter is that he stepped out on the floor.  Once the ball goes up you play, bitch.  Is everyone just supposed to naturally know they need to pussyfoot around you because you're the big man on campus?  

Let me put it like this: you're playing basketball with someone who is clearly bigger and more athletically gifted and they are fucking SMASHING you because they're way bigger and way more gifted athletically.  It makes total sense they would dominate.  It also makes total sense that if you have an ounce of competitive fire in your body, then you are going to try to do something - anything - to stop the massacre.  I don't think setting a pick on a guy is absolutely egregious, I'm sorry I just don't.  If you wanna play easy breezy basketball, you need to make that shit known before you step on the hardwood.  Maybe next time you can wear a red mesh jersey like in practice to let people know they're not allowed to touch you.  Problem solved.



Now that I'm re-watching, the location of the pick is kind of egregious.  There wasn't much of a fast break and Trevor Lawrence is pretty much as far away from his basket as he can be.  

So I guess just one shove next time, and maybe a soft dick tap for good measure.  Let's keep it light fellas.


Tyson Fury Signs with Top Rank and Billy Joe Saunders is Set to Make His Super Middleweight Debut


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Source - Tyson Fury and Billy Joe Saunders each delivered big news during a press conference in London on Monday.

Fury, the reigning lineal heavyweight champion, and Frank Warren's Queensberry Promotions announced that they signed a multi-year co-promotional deal with Top Rank/ESPN, while Billy Joe Saunders announced that he's moving up to super middleweight for a world title opportunity.

“I’m delighted that Frank and Queensberry Promotions have teamed up with Top Rank to promote my fights in America," Fury said in a press release statement sent to Sporting News by Top Rank. "With ESPN and BT Sport behind me, the biggest sports platforms in the world are now linked up with the best heavyweight in the world!”

What this means for a highly-anticipated rematch between Fury and Deontay Wilder remains to be seen, considering that Wilder is a Premier Boxing Champions fighter and PBC and Top Rank have a rather frigid relationship with each other.

His friend and fellow British boxer, Saunders, announced that he's moving up from middleweight to super middleweight to fight for the vacant WBO super middleweight world title against Shefat Isufi at The SSE Arena in Wembley, England on Saturday, April 13.

Last year wasn’t the best for the undefeated Saunders. Two injuries forced him out of title defenses against Martin Murray and then his October fight against Demetrius Andrade in Boston was scrapped after Saunders failed a VADA anti-doping test. He then decided to vacate his WBO belt.



Big time news in the gypsy world yesterday.  The Gypsy King himself announced a massive five fight deal with ESPN and Top Rank worth a cool £80 million.  Convert that bad boy over to US dollars and you've got yourself a cool $104,377,380 to take to the bank.  Not too shabby for five nights of extra hard labor.  And while this is good news for Tyson Fury, it's more than likely very bad news for a rematch with Wilder.

Top Rank's head honcho Bob Arum and PBC's main man Al Haymon do not like each other.  Al Haymon basically does not do business with Bob Arum.  Deontay Wilder is promoted by Al Haymon.  These are all facts and they all mean very bad things for this rematch.  Everyone is going to say they'll do what's best for the fighters on paper but the fact of the matter is that Al Haymon and Bob Arum will never sign off on a deal that doesn't include one of them very clearly getting the upper hand.

As for the other Traveller in the announcement, Billy Joe Saunders, I'm surprised by the move.  He just lost his middleweight belt, so I can't imagine this is a permanent move.  I definitely see him returning to the weight so I'm assuming this is just to A.) keep him in shape for his next fight at middleweight and B.) give him an easy shot at a belt so he becomes a more desirable opponent.  

The fact of the matter is that no one is going to want to fight Billy Joe unless he has something they want.  He's too slick and too dangerous to risk it if it isn't for a belt, so the only way he can get those big fights is if he has some hardware to offer up.

He had a rough year and brought most of his trouble onto himself by doing a ton of dumb shit.  I'm not denying that he made himself look like a real arsehole, but all in all I'm a fan of the guy and I love watching him fight.  As far as the PED suspension, I personally never believed he took anything intentionally and I don't think the Massachusetts state commission really did either.  I think they basically decided to suspend him as additional punishment for the video scandal and I don't completely blame them for feeling that way.  

Fortunately for Billy Joe, he seems to realize that he acted like a total cunt and now seems dead set on getting his shit together and being very active in 2019.  He's only got a few prime years left - something he himself is extremely aware of - so if he wants to make a real move, the time is now.  If he can get a few game opponents and put on a clinic like he did against Lemieux, we'll be cooking with gas.  Roll the clip!







I fucking love gypsies Travellers.






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Slick Rick is Already Back to His Winning Ways in the Greek League



Source - Rick Pitino is a champion again.

The former Louisville coach led Panathinaikos to the Greek Cup Championship by beating PAOK in the final 79-73 on Sunday.

Hired in December by the Athens club, Pitino took over a team that featured several players with NBA or NCAA ties.

Panathinaikos reached the final after their semifinal opponent, Olympiakos, forfeited the contest. The David Blatt-led team never came out for the second half in protest of the game's officiating.

A member of the 2013 Basketball Hall of Fame class, Pitino has had three runs in the NBA: Boston Celtics president and coach, New York Knicks coach and Knicks assistant coach.

He won two NCAA titles, with Kentucky in 1996 and Louisville in 2013. He reached a total of five Final Fours with three different schools (Louisville, Kentucky and Providence).



Good for Rick Pitino.  Despite him being incredibly delusional and never quite grasping why college teams weren't interested after he was fired for his third scandal at Louisville, I'm genuinely happy for the guy.  Rick Pitino fucking loves coaching basketball and he's damn good at it too, so I say let the man do his thing.  

I could make a couple premature ejaculation jokes instead of congratulating him, but I'm gonna keep it tasteful and leave that for the real pros.  Nothing but good vibes over here, coach.  Way to come back strong! 

The best part of the story is that Pitino's team made the finals after David Blatt's team quit.  They can call it "protesting the officiating" all they want, but they quit.  I know a David Blatt coached team when I see one.  Poor guy.

At least he still has the championship ring the Cavs sent him after they fired him then went on to win the Finals with Tyronn Lue, so he's got that going for him.


Nick Diaz is Officially Retired (Unless the UFC Offers Him a Truckload of Moolah)




I’m no role model, I’m 35 years old, but I definitely wouldn’t advise anybody to take a fight for less than their worth or fight for free. Which is practically what I would be doing at this point in taking a fight with some of these guys that are not on my level. Nor would I be within my moral ethics to even do that aside from you not painting me as a role model. If there was an offer I couldn’t refuse, things would be different. Until they are - I’d like to continue to think I’ve been fighting to make the world a better place, but until I can continue to do that: “I don’t want to hurt nobody, I just want to party.” 🍻🙏🏼🥋 Cc: @ufc @nick_diaz_academy @natediaz209 @riokid @thefloridaboy @bellatormma @tmz_tv @mmajunkiedotcom @mariolopez @arielhelwani @foursigmatic
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Well, it's official.  Nick Diaz is retiring*.  Granted he hasn't fought in 4 years and hasn't won since 2011, but still it's worth noting because Nick Diaz is and forever will be an absolute legend.  Nate's a gem too, but Nick is will always be the OG, and that's something I think Nate would agree with.

For a long time, Nick was the epitome of a warrior.  He fought anyone, anywhere, any time.  It's easy to forget that after a few years out of the octagon, but when people reflect on his career that will undoubtedly be one of the things he will be remembered for.  He went toe to toe with GSP, he knocked out Robbie Lawler, he beat BJ Penn, and he got right up in every fucking grill he could find and talked his talk.  When it came time to back it up - win or lose - he always went out swinging.  He was 50% of the most entertaining MMA family in human history and he will be missed.  Enjoy retirement, Nickolas.  It will no doubt be incredibly relaxing seeing as how you're sure to be completely stoned off your ass the entire time.  I couldn't be more jealous.



*Until the UFC offers him a FUCKTON of cash to co-headline a card with Nate.  


STOCKTON MOTHERFUCKER





I will forever love the video of Nick Diaz on a conference call ripping a bong and then casually busting out the nunchucks.  Just the best.  It was only natural that he would retire with the same grace.



Tristan Thompson Banged Kylie's BFF


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Source - Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson have reportedly broken up due to allegations that he cheated with Kylie Jenner's best friend, Jordyn Woods.  Sources claim that the Kardashians are "beyond angry and disgusted" by Jordyn's alleged betrayal, and they're cutting her off.  Khloé confronted Tristan about cheating with Jordyn, and he admitted to it.

"Khloé was told by people who saw Tristan and Jordan making out and told Khloé, and Khloé confronted Tristan and he admitted it was true," a source tells Us, adding that "Khloé is completely done with him for good."


WOW!

An absolute bombshell out of the Kardashian camp this morning.  Turns out Tristan Thompson (this Tristan Thompson) cheated on Khloe Kardashian again...and this time with a friend of the family!  The nerve!  The audacity!  

I am completely blindsided by this news.  If you asked me a couple of days ago what percent chance I would put on Tristan being unfaithful, I would have said 75%, 80% max.  But ONE HUNDRED PERCENT?!?  Never in my wildest dreams would I have been so bold as to make that claim.  But here we are, a couple days later, and my world has been flipped upside down.  I am so lost right now.  They were America's couple.  When people talk about the Dream Team some people's minds immediately shoot to the '92 Olympic team, but not me.  My mind goes to Tristan and Khloe.  Two perfect little peas in a totally functional pod.  They were my future, they were my children's future, and they were this country's future.

But now...now I don't even know.

And to you Jordyn, for shame!  And with your best friend's sister's man, no less!  I honestly can't even look at you right now.






A post shared by HEIR JORDYN (@jordynwoods) on


OK, I'm back.  That caption too thoooooooo 😝😝😃



PS - At this point Tristan is for sure just trying to get Khloe to dump his ass because he doesn't have the balls to do it himself.  It's the only thing that makes sense because financially, this is a disastrous move.  No offense to this Jordyn lady, but she's not exactly the brightest star in the media circus that is the Kardashian news cycle.  She's a hanger-on, not a main attraction, and quite frankly it sounds like she's about to be tossed overboard anyways.  Meanwhile Tristan exits the situation with a young girl who doesn't do nearly as well for herself and is about to lose the closest thing she's ever had to "employment."  Plus on top of that, you've just secured yourself an incredibly scornful and bitter ex who you're going to be forced to interact with on a semi-regular basis because you two dummies thought it was a good idea to have a kid together.  To be honest, he kinda took an L on this one in the grand scheme of things.


PPS - Sarah Hyland is getting yelled at for this joke because people say it's bullying.  I personally just think the joke sucks.  Reach city, desperate for likes.  



Woods, omg do u get it??  LOL.  


It may be a little harsh but I haven't been a fan of Sarah Hyland since she went on some talk show and droned on and on about how she looks like Mila Kunis.  Mila is one in ten billion, miss thing.  Don't you fucking forget it.


Anthony Joshua vs. Jarrell Miller is Officially Official as the Brit Prepares to Make His US Debut


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Source - The deal is done and unified heavyweight world titleholder Anthony Joshua is coming to the United States.

Joshua, the British superstar, will make his American debut by defending his three major world title belts against top contender Jarrell "Big Baby" Miller on June 1 at Madison Square Garden in New York in a fight that will be streamed by DAZN, Matchroom Boxing promoter Eddie Hearn announced on Wednesday.

Joshua is not only coming across the pond, but he will do so to fight in the hometown of the Brooklyn-born Miller.

"June 1, I am heading to the Big Apple and I plan to embrace the culture and leave with an appetite for more," Joshua said. "I will be fighting Jarrell Miller at the legendary Madison Square Garden. It has been an honor and a blessing to fight at some of the best venues in the world at home in the U.K., not least Wembley Stadium. But the time has come to head across the Atlantic and defend my heavyweight titles in the USA.

"I am looking forward to taking on another challenge with a good boxer and a brilliant talker. It will be an exciting fight. I will leave nothing to chance and plan on dismantling Miller in style to make my mark."


BROOKLYN STAND UP!!!

YUGE news in the boxing world with the announcement that Anthony Joshua is going to be making his long awaited (by boxing fans) US debut against local product Jarrell Miller - a 6'4 300 pound undefeated former kickboxer.  A lot of people are going to bitch and moan because Joshua isn't taking on the toughest challenges in a fight with Wilder or Fury, but I for one am just glad we at least accomplish one major goal with this fight, get the kid stateside to really introduce him to the world.

As for the fight itself, a lot of folks are going to write Miller off purely because he's 300 pounds and not in ideal shape by anyone's definition.  The flip side of that is that he is deceptively quick and has a lot better footwork than people give him credit for, no doubt a result of his background as a kickboxer.  It's easier to walk people down when you don't have to worry about getting kicked in the face, hence why Big Baby has a little more bounce than the average nose-tackle sized human.  And because of that, I'm going with the hometown hero.  


  • American.  
  • From New York.  
  • Raised in Brooklyn.  
  • Fat dude.
  • Talks mad shit.  

If that isn't a recipe for your new favorite fighter then I genuinely don't know what is.  Not only that, but I'm still not sold on Joshua.  He took some big shots from a very old and much smaller post-drug suspension Alexander Povetkin, he got put on his ass by Klitchsko, and he didn't blow me away against Joseph Parker at all.  I don't think he hits as hard as Wilder, I think he's way too stiff and flat footed for Fury, and quite frankly I think Dillian Whyte gives him a serious test too.  But he was never going to fight Fury or Wilder or Whyte (unless he was willing to fight for peanuts) because Eddie Hearn and Matchroom don't want him to fight those guys.  At least not yet.  

Why send the golden goose to slaughter when it's still shitting out 24 karat eggs, dig?

So for now we wait until June when the boy king makes his way across the pond to grace the Big Apple's biggest stage.  In the meantime, please enjoy the press conference.