Source - The force is getting stronger in France, where the French Fencing Federation has officially recognized lightsaber dueling as a competitive sport. According to The Associated Press, the federation has given the iconic "Star Wars" weapon the same status as the traditional blades — the foil, épée and saber — and competitors can now begin to train like Luke Skywalker.
The LED-lit, rigid polycarbonate lightsaber replicas used in competition won't be able to cut an opponent in half, but they do look, feel and sound pretty similar to George Lucas' version. The federation is now providing lightsabers to fencing clubs and training lightsaber instructors in the ways of the Jedi.
Federation secretary general Serge Aubailly told the AP he hopes the popularity of Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader will draw more young people to fencing. "Cape and sword movies have always had a big impact on our federation and its growth," Aubailly said. "Lightsaber films have the same impact. Young people want to give it a try."
The Dark Side that the federation is fighting is the childhood obesity epidemic and the popularity of more sedentary video games. "With young people today, it's a real public health issue. They don't do any sport and only exercise with their thumbs," Aubailly told the AP. "It's becoming difficult to [persuade them to] do a sport that has no connection with getting out of the sofa and playing with one's thumbs. That is why we are trying to create a bond between our discipline and modern technologies, so participating in a sport feels natural."
Let's forget about all the Star Wars nerds for a second. This is obviously a huge win for them, amazing work. The only reason I care about this story at all is because France admitted that they're resorting to nonsense such as creating lightsaber sports from fantasy movies about outer space and aliens in order to combat obesity.
All those years being pomp and smug as fuck, stickin' your skinny little noses up at us big fat Americans. Well, well well. How the tables have turned. Who's the big old fat sack of shit now, France? Doesn't feel so good when someone takes a steaming dump all over your lifestyle, does it? And I've got even worse news for you. Instead of this working, it's going to end up failing miserably because nerds flat out do not want to exercise, not even to fuck around with a lightsaber for an afternoon. Eventually you'll just cave like we did and make video games official sports. Next thing you know, you'll be sending your kids to college on Call of Duty scholarships.
The world is fat and it's only getting fatter France, so I suggest you sit back, relax, and let it happen. This is one fight you will not win.
Well this and World War II were it not for our intervention. God Bless America.
